mylifeisaverage.com

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"Today, I was bored in my health class. I wondered to myself, "I wonder if anyone really can read minds." I then thought to myself, "Hey! If anyone in this room can read minds, cough now!" The kid next to me caughed the looked over at me and smiled. I'm scared. MLIA."

"Today, I was pulled over for going 17 mph over the speed limit. The cop was asking me routine questions about what might be in my car, and when he asked me if I had any weapons I informed him that I had two Nerf swords in my trunk. The police officer laughed, and proceeded to challenge me to a duel for the ticket. Guess who got off with a warning? MLIA."

Today it was wacky Wednesday for my school’s homecoming week. I had been seriously doubting my school’s creativity until a group of Tetris pieces passed by at lunch followed by a group of Pacman ghosts and a Pacman. What made it even better was that the Pacman group proceeded to use the lunch tables as barriers and play life-sized Pacman with each other. I think I have found the cool groups at my school. MLIA.

Nikki said this sounded like me;"A few days ago I was getting ready to leave Starbucks with my girlfriend when she started putting on my dark thin gloves. I asked her if it was really that cold outside that she needed them. She replied, "no but they make me feel like an assassin." I feel like I've chosen the right girl. MLIA"

Today my little sister came in to show me her new shoes. They were Hanna Montana which I thought was odd because she doesn't like her. She then took off her shoe and showed me Hanna Montana's face on the sole. And said "now I can walk on her face all day!" I love my little sister. MLIA

Today, I watched a freshman fall down the stairs, and then land with an air guitar and a knee slide, and walk away like nothing happened. That kid is going places. MLIA.

Today, I was riding the bus. I looked out the window only to see an old man viciously stabbing a pumpkin. When he saw the bus pass, he stopped and waved. MLIA

Today, in my college class, my professor's computer wasn't turning on. Suddenly, a boy in the front row yelled "It needs your help! Clap your hands if you believe!" The entire 300 person lecture started applauding and then the computer turned on. MLIA

Today we were having a meeting at work about customer service. My manager said "We have to get on top of our customers and show them a good time." I was the only one who busted out laughing. MILA

Today, my brother had tons of animal crackers on the floor looking through them. I asked him what he was doing and he replied, "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken. I'm looking for the seal." I have high hopes for him. MLIA.

Today, during my University lecture for English, the lecturer decided to split the class up into people who liked Harry Potter and those who liked Twilight. To no one's surprise all the guys were on the Harry Potter side and all the girls on the Twilight side, except for one guy. I asked him why he would do something so degrading. His response: "To meet chicks". Why didn't I think of that? MLIA

Today I was thirsty, so I walked to the fridge to get a glass of cold water. When I pulled the pitcher out, I realized it was empty. Angry, I said, "Who the hell puts the empty pitcher back in the fridge?". Then I realized I live alone. MLIA

Today I was shoe shopping when I saw two little old ladies looking at sandals. One picked up a pair and said "these would be great for the summer if you live that long." At least she has a plan. MLIA.

Today, I was walking home from school with a guy I kind of like. I eyed a really crunchy looking leaf a few feet in front of us. He was just about to jump on it, when he saw my disappointed face, then said 'Ladies first' and let me step on it. I wish there were more gentlemen like this. MLIA

A few days ago, after finishing the PSATs early, I typed into my calculator "Hello, Harry Potter. My name is Tom Riddle." I turned it on today in class and proceeded to freak out. Bravo, old self. Bravo. MLIA

Today, my some of my friends and I were listening to "Don't Trust Me" by 3OH!3. I pointed out that if I were Helen Keller, I would be kind of offended by it. My friend pointed out that if I were Helen Keller, I wouldn't be able to hear it. MLIA.

Today, I went into a haunted house. They had told us earlier that one of the rules was "You can't touch them, and they can't touch you." While we were walking through, a zombie man got INCHES away from me. My first response? "CANT TOUCH THIS! NA NA NA NA NA NA NA!" That's the first time I have ever seen a zombie smile. MLIA

Yesterday, a boy in my math class who is also my neighbor, was sick, and not at school. I was assigned to give him his math homework. I did. This morning in band, he said, rather loudly, "Thanks for last night." The faces were priceless. MLIA

Today, I was walking to class when I walked passed a sign on the ground written in chalk saying "Ninja Turtles Recruitment: Hand in Resume Here" and an arrow pointed to a sewer cover on the ground. I wanted to apply. MLIA

Today, I decided that since my husband reads MLIA everyday while he's deployed overseas that I would use it to tell him some big news. So, Todd Williams, you're gonna be a Daddy. Love, Leigha. MLIA

Today, I found out that I'm gonna be a daddy by reading MLIA. I love you. Love, Todd. MLIA

Me, again;Today, my work installed fingerprint readers to clock in for work. I now feel like a secret agent, and I have never been more excited to go to work tomorrow. MLIA

Today, my Spanish teacher was taking roll. To be funny he put "mister" or "master" in front of our names. This pattern stopped when he accidentally called guy with the last name of Bates "Master Bates." I love Spanish class. MLIA

Today, my mom got an email from my aunt that said after she took my little cousin to see Where the Wild Things Are my cousin turned to her and said very seriously, "Mommy, I want to be a horny beast for halloween." My brother didnt know why we were laughing so hard. MLIA

Today, my best friend (I'm a girl and he's a guy) informed me that the reason we are friends is because when we were in kindergarten, he saw me somersault behind three pillars and into the bathroom at my school very quickly. He was convinced I was a ninja going to fulfill my duties. I think I'm going to marry this guy. MLIA.

Today on campus I saw a person dressed as scissors, a rock, and paper. The person dressed as the rock proceeded to run across the field and tackle the scissors. It was the most epic game of rock, paper, scissors I have ever seen. MLIA

Today, my english teacher realized that he can turn the light projector used for presentations around the room. He spent the rest of the period blinding anyone who got a question wrong. MLIA.

Today, I was in my first period math class. My phone started ringing and my teacher asked me who it was. When I told him it was my friend he said me "Doesn't you're friend know that you're in class right now?" I said "Yes, but he's just trying to get me in trouble." My teacher looked at me and asked "Wanna get him back?" He told me to give him my friend's number and he proceeded to write it on the board. Then he assigned everyone a period and time to call my friend. I don't think my friend will be calling me when I'm in class anymore. MLIA

Today, I went outside to get the newspaper while wearing my leopard print snuggie. At the same time, my 20 year-old neighbor walked out to get something from his car. He was wearing a zebra print snuggie. I have the best neighbors. MLIA

Today, my 10 year old daughter had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, my wife explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?" I hope my daughter is book smart. MLIA